“Beaten up mercilessly for just asking my husband to wait for five minutes while serving food, I could not take the abuse any further and tied my shawl to a ceiling fan in a bid to end my life. His response to this was ‘Go ahead. Do it.’ That led me to wonder why was I trying to end my life and I climbed down. I got beaten up more,” said a young woman about the impact of years of abuse in her marital life.
One woman said she was treated like chattel, having to kowtow to her husband’s every whim. When she began to oppose him, he turned violent.
Another woman said that but for her wedding day, she had not seen any of the jewellery her parents had given her.
Horrifying accounts of physical and verbal abuse; marital rape; abortions; emotional blackmail; deception; loss of identity, agency, and dignity were shared at a public hearing of women facing domestic violence here on Saturday.
Organised by the Sakhi Women’s Resource Centre, Anweshi Women’s Counselling Centre, and the Domestic Violence Prevention Committee, the hearing in front of a three-member jury saw women narrate their every day reality. J. Sandhya, lawyer and secretary of Sakhi, pointed out that 44% of women in the 18-50 age group in the State faced some kind of abuse. Many of them suffered in silence, some protested and still suffered, some others lost any interest in life, and a few ended their lives, at times deciding the same for their children, she said.
The women who mustered up the courage to tell their story in front of the gathering were not coherent at times, years of all kinds of abuse wiping out every bit of confidence they possessed, reducing them to a nervous wreck, fearful for themselves and their children. They sobbed, their voices broke, their eyes fearful or, even worse, empty.
A couple of survivors spoke of how their spouses and in-laws had turned their children against them. Another narrated how she was not allowed to go to work after marriage. One spoke of cycles of abuse and rapprochement. One woman narrated how she underwent three abortions owing to physical violence. She was tied up and attacked, her spine broken and head injured by her husband.
Some of them said they were unable to escape the abusive relationships despite all their efforts. They saw their children being turned against them, property mortgaged, and jewellery pawned or sold off. Their wishes and interests were not considered. Some were not allowed any financial independence, having to beg for money for everything.
Abuse though was not a common occurrence at the house of their spouses alone. Women even faced abuse at the hands of their own family, preventing their return to the safety and security of the maternal home.
One woman said she had been trying to get a divorce for five years to no avail. “Laws have to change. Women are not getting justice. When our abusers walk around with impunity, society gets the wrong impression,” she said.
Yet, the accounts of some of the survivors lent hope – of turning the page on that chapter of their lives, recovering and moving on, as much as they could.
Former Chief Secretary Sarada Muraleedharan inaugurated the hearing.
Published – May 24, 2025 09:21 pm IST
