I disagree

They say that people are getting more polarised. No middle ground. That there is an absolute refusal to acknowledge the other opinion. Well, I flatly disagree with anyone who holds this, or any other opinion which disagrees with my own.

The whole brouhaha started with politicians, of course, who are usually behind almost everything ending in haha. The Left slid more left on ever-slippery issues, while the Right almost stomped Righteously off the graph. The hitherto clueless population that made up the middle had to pick sides quickly, and immediately rant lustily for either side, and chant slogans the pole-iticians fed them. Sitting on the fence risked being impaled like kebabs.

Then, of course, it spread. The utopians versus the dystopians. The arranged-marriagees versus the love-conquer-alls. The past-glorifiers versus the future-gazers. Life versus Choice. Pineapple pizzatarians versus purists. West versus East, North versus South, and those who said we’re all the same were dragged bleating by their traitorous centres to either side.

It crept into schoolyards and playgrounds and parks. Mother-tonguers versus English Vinglish. Clockwise strolls versus anti-clockwise jogs. Uncles came to blows over monkey caps versus mufflers. Aunties with white hair swore to die before they’d share benches with those who dyed.

Obviously then, it slid into homes, too. There were those who loved pets versus those who went prospecting for pet poop. Those who wanted slippers outside the door versus those who threatened to fling those slippers at the slippery former. Those who fried fish that sent up a stink versus those who burnt incense that set off asthma attacks. Those who woke their neighbours with early morning prayers versus those who kept them sleepless with late night parties. Those who talked loudly in the lift versus those who wouldn’t say hello.

No middle ground. Because there were those who demanded the middle ground for kids to play football on versus those who sequestered it for silent yoga. And who wanted kids trampling all over you when you were diaphragm-breathing? versus why not do your yoga in your own house? versus how can I when there’s someone learning to play the drums right over my head? versus he can’t ever learn because of the Bollywood movies that some inconsiderate oaf blasts all day. And the upper-floor residents who fling litter down versus the lower-floor residents who use up the water pressure.

Everyone has a vehement inflexible opinion which won’t tolerate anyone else’s. Why be tolerant? Just pick a side. Heads or Tails? versus Why do we still need coins?

Where Jane De Suza, the author of Happily Never After, talks about the week’s quirks, quacks and hacks