Be your own bae this Valentine’s Day

Do you have a Valentine? Yes? No? Either way, be your own bae! With self care apps, services and qualified professionals offering insight, it is easier than ever today to love oneself.  

There has been a boom in self-love related awareness, therapies and even merchandise post COVID-19, especially among those in their 40s and 50s. From mood trackers to AI diaries, and routine planners, the digital space is teeming with information on how to love oneself. 

Online and offline, people are increasingly choosing themselves and why not, asks Dr Jaishree Nair, a dentist, who gave up clinical practice after 25 years. She now devotes her time to yoga, meditation, Zumba and Kalari, which she took up recently. “As I started placing myself first, eating right and doing what makes my heart happy, I find that I am much happier in my 50s.” 

COVID-19 was the trigger for Dhanya Rajagopal, a finance professional who turned life coach. She decided to pursue her interest in the ‘self help’ sector. A certified life coach now, she says each time she sees a client taking a step towards self improvement, it makes her happy. “After all, how can you love another person if you don’t love yourself?” she asks.

For Dr Rejitha Nandini, a paediatrician, entrepreneur and social media influencer, the best form of self-love was getting remarried at the age of 45 after being a single mother for 18 years. “My 17-year-old daughter encouraged me to remarry. There were many who wondered why I was taking that step when I had a grown-up daughter,” says the 51-year-old.

Rejitha recalls that even when she was single she cherished gifting herself on her birthdays and on Valentine’s Day. “When I was in Dubai and was a single mother, I once bought myself a bunch of roses and a diamond nose pin on Valentine’s Day. The Filipino nurses laughed when they saw the roses but I wasn’t the least bit abashed,” says Rejitha, currently working at a hospital in Pathanamthitta. This Valentine’s Day she has bought herself a branded handbag and books. 

Rejitha is elated that she has passed on her self-love principle to the hospital staff. “I am happy that my assistant is depositing ₹200 every month in her post office account so that she can buy something for herself!” She also runs Aloha, a brand for personal care products, which sells a Valentine’s Day hamper on the theme self-love.

Especially in the context of relationships, self love is crucial, says Anakha Vishnuprasad, an engineer-turned-life coach based in Kayamkulam. “If you are lacking in self love, you tend to ignore the red flags and settle for something lesser than what you deserve,” she says, adding that the first step towards building self love is to accept oneself the way one is.

Varsha Ramesh
| Photo Credit:
Special Arrangement

For those who have succeeded in building it, it has become a habit, says Varsha Ramesh, actor, anchor and social media influencer. “We all have been conditioned to say that we love our parents, boyfriend, husband or friends more. But I love myself a lot and I make it a point to do things that make me happy. Be it having a healthy drink in the morning, going to the gym, catching up with friends or making a meal for myself,” says Varsha, adding, “I don’t mess with my routine. I want to look good and carry myself in the best possible way.” 

Anjali Manoj has been gifting herself a present on her birthday, which falls in December, for over 15 years now. Anjali, the founder and admin of Her Trivandrum, the closed Facebook group for women from across the globe, says instead of a household item she buys what she likes such as “clothes, make-up , accessories etc or I spend on learning something new.” So, this birthday [in December] she has got herself a subscription for Canva [the online graphic design platform] and a book. “Growing up, I was lucky to have a lot of people around to buy me gifts. Once I got married and children came into the picture, the equation changed. Most often I used to get a household item, say bed sheet or tablecloth. May be, because of me not knowing what to purchase or others not knowing what to get for me. That’s why I decided to buy something for myself on every birthday,” she says. On one of her birthdays she got herself a subscription for all the OTT platforms. “There are many in our group who buy themselves something for Valentine’s Day. I also run a gifting business [The Gift Theory] and several buy gifts for themselves on Valentine’s Day.”

It is not just about buying oneself gifts, it is about staying healthy. Linda Jones, an Ayurveda practitioner in Thiruvananthapuram, finds self love in keeping herself physically, mentally and emotionally healthy. “I exercise when I can; learning a new art or craft makes me happy. Indulging in movies, books or music, eating tasty food, hanging out with friends or people I love are different forms of self love. An important thing is whenever I have stress, I go for counselling, which is also self love. Close friends or family may not either understand what you are going through or may judge you. So it is better to seek professional help in such situations,” she says. 

While ‘self-love’ is being bandied around on social media, it is important to understand the true import of the term, says Shibili Suhanah, a life coach, based in Kochi. Some times, self love is confused with selfishness, she observes. Self love comes from a place of intention and the person is aware of the impact of his or her action/words on themselves and the other people, she explains. “While self love is rooted in acceptance and it drives self growth, narcissism is rooted in a sense of superiority and selfishness. Self love is about accepting yourself and holding that space for yourself.” 

Gen Z is better equipped to love themselves and has better access to resources, but they are navigating a complex milieu when it comes to relationships, says Ayshamol, a final year student of BA English Literature, Communication and Journalism at Rajagiri College of Management and Applied Sciences, Kakkanad. “The definition of love has undergone a huge change. I belong to a generation where love is mostly online and tend to get influenced by the algorithm. While on the one hand, the algorithm tells us to love ourselves, on the other, it pushes us the coquette aesthetic way to snag the ‘love of our life’.

Aysha concludes, “But one thing never changes. Everyone wants to be loved. So why not start with oneself?”